Resilience

What is resilience? Faced with a serious crisis, some people have the ability to cope with stress in a positive and productive manner rather than crumbling under pressure and falling to pieces. Other people don't, and their world can be shattered as lifelong plans unravel and health deteriorates.

And who has this most evanescent of traits? Where does it come from, innate survival powers or learned behavior?

These questions had always puzzled me before reading a brilliant book by the esteemed psychiatrist Dr. Frederic Flach, Resilience, that focuses on this very lofty and necessary behavioral skill. Yet true to the complexity of life, resilience is also a phenomenon in ecology (whereby an ecosystem tolerates natural disturbances and thereafter returns to a stable state) and physics (the ability of a substance to absorb energy when deformed and then elastically restore itself--something cartilage does as a "shock absorber" in our hips and knees).

I have witnessed careers ruined due to relatively minor personal problems, individuals turned into recluses when intimate relationships ended, psyches scarred by failure preventing further attempts at success. Various philosophers have had their say, as in this passage from Twilight of the Idols by Friedrich Nietzsche:

Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker.
(What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.)

or in this memorable truism from the Broadway musical Gypsy, via lyricist Stephen Sondheim:

"Some people have it and make it pay. Some people can't even give it away!"

Your ability to be resilient is directly linked to your self-concept (the sum total of all your ideas about yourself) and therefore your image (the projection of your self-concept into the social world, a visible representation of your belief systems). The stronger your self-confidence and the stronger and more realistic your bonds to the outside world, the more impervious you will be to negative thinking, feelings of hopelessness, and abandonment of plans. Resilience isn't courage, egocentricism, or focus, although these may be some of its components--nor is it a conscious effort to ignore pain, loss, or potential tragedy.

Resilience, on the other hand, implies a practical approach to problem solving, one where sadness and despair are redirected into new goals, new situations, and a new set of rules. I have often thought of life as a narrative that Charles Dickens might have written, full of twists and turns of the plot. His most memorable characters, Oliver Twist, Nicholas Nickelby, and David Copperfield, for example, endure poverty, loneliness, and estrangement, only to find themselves unlikely heroes by the end of their ordeals. The outcome of the story could never have been predicted at the onset.

It is this view of life, as a rather prolonged roller-coaster ride, that makes resilience an easier process to accept, a survival technique that must be learned by transcending life's challenges. Various social institutions have proved helpful for many troubled people seeking a pathway back to a happier life: religion, artistic self-expression, therapy. All are potentially helpful, yet the outcome must still be the same: moving on to a new chapter of one's life, turning the page as it were in one's own non-fictional narrative. Like self-confidence, resilience is a learned skill; hopefully, as we mature, it will help to keep us steadfast and comforted.

Resilience, like physical strength, requires effort, repetitive steps, and balance. Practical tips and remarkable insights are provided in Dr. Flach's masterful book, one that belongs in your library. Simply put, whether discussing resilience or Resilience, you can't live without it.