National Diet Day

January 2nd has been renamed National Diet Day, at least in my own imaginary calendar. I invented this non-existent holiday 20 years ago as the Associate Medical Director of the Atkins Center when I noticed patients' remorse over dietary indiscretions during the holiday season. The same people who had over-indulged in eggnog, candy-canes, and Chanukah chocolates now felt sorry for themselves. And like penitents confessing a minor sin while omitting a larger one, they "promised to themselves" a more healthful future.

This is properly labeled a New Year's Delusion, something Dr. Stanley Krippner might call a negative personal myth. The mere act of "repenting" is a supposed antidote to the wretched excess of the past few weeks or months. Self-esteem is falsely boosted by the individual's newly found self-observation, as if that in itself melts the pounds away.

And then comes January 2nd, when one's conscience and seemingly the entire "diet" industry revs ups their engines to promote weight-loss plans for all palates and sizes. The American College of Physicians notes that 95% of these programs fail their followers...or is it the other way around? When an industry giant like [name redacted] promises weight-loss via lasagna, cookies, and pizza, who can resist?

You can, if you realize that none of these supposedly "nutritious" programs dare to publish their statistics of success and failure. In tiny type, there is a message flashed on your TV screen for a microsecond: "results not typical", which I rephrase as "it is not typical for you to get results", a perfectly legal recasting of their devilishly insincere message. Those exercise programs like [redacted] and [redacted]? January is an unusually busy month for sign-ups at your local health-club, but lifting the pen to sign a contract is unfortunately the last exercise many people will do there.

Without simultaneous attention to all the components of image, not just the one an overweight post-holiday dieter might focus on, nothing will ever be lastingly accomplished. National Diet Day (and Month, actually) is therefore a form of mock penitence that cannot lead to better health. Our bodies are not aware of any holidays; diabetes and its complications can occur at any time of year. The Angel of Death, unlike many public service union members, goes to work every single day.

My imaginary holiday, National Diet Day, is a reaction to the cyclical nature of many overeaters' thought processes--eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow you die(t). But for the 33% of adult American not affected by overweight or obesity, National Diet Day is every day of the year. And for them, the celebration of health--and life--takes precedence over the temporary pleasures of high calorie foods. Statistically, the better your weight is, the more likely it is that you will celebrate many more January 2nds. Now there's a great reason to say "Happy New Year"!